DARK DESIRES (Signed Paperback)

A debt is owed, and he takes me as payment.

HER

When my father runs up too much debt, I pay the price.

I’ve been sold.

Sold to a man who vows to break me.

A man who keeps his face hidden from me, even as his dark desires awaken mine.

It wasn’t my debt to pay, but he took me, anyway.

He said he would have his payment, even if it cost me my soul.

HIM

I run the club.

If someone steps out of line, they either work for me or disappear.

But when a local man runs up too much debt, I take his daughter as payment.

She is mine to do with as I please.

I will have her completely; mind, body, and soul.

Nothing would please me more than breaking her.

I didn’t think I would feel for her.

I didn’t think I could love again.

Now I might be the one who ends up broken.

“Dance for me.”

A soft melody plays in the background, its beat is designed for swaying hips. I want to open my eyes, but the earlier warning to keep them closed has my lashes resting on my cheeks. Wringing my hands behind my back I squeeze my eyes tighter. The crop top I wear just barely covers my breasts, doing very little to hide the humiliation that burns my chest. I keep my hands firmly joined so I don’t start yanking at the top.

“Don’t fidget. Do as you’re told and most importantly keep your eyes closed at all times.” Linda’s words of warning were given before we entered the room.

So, I am doing as I am told and not fidgeting. My black stilettos click on the oak polished floor as I move slowly from one foot to the other. My face burns as Linda sniggers at my stiff and mechanical movements.  Anger races through me and I’m tempted to open my eyes, but I don’t. Her warning to me was clear. I’m not allowed to set my eyes on my new master. I’m not worthy, she had told me the first day I had arrived here. I wanted to tell her that I didn’t want to be worthy. The only thing I wanted was to go home. Not be here in this castle with this man that my father had sold me to. I’ve been here three weeks and the pain of being sold by my own father to clear his gambling debt still pierces me.

“Is that how you dance for me?” A shiver races across my bare arms and I stop dead in my tracks. His voice is behind me. Every fiber of my being is awake, alert. I want to turn and see the man who bought me. His breath touches my bare back. His question is filled with disappointment.

Letting out a heavy breath that shakes on the end, I listen to the music again and find the beat. Dipping my head, I let it fill me as my hips move to the music. I don’t think of how I’ve been sold or how humiliating this is. My eyes burn and I pour all that anger into the dance. My hips sway wider, my head rises.

“Good girl.” His breath brushes my cheek. The heat of his body is right behind me. I falter slightly but find my rhythm again. I hate his praise. I hate him. I hate my father. I move faster finding the freedom I am seeking in the music. My hands flutter out to either side of me, controlling the movement of my hips as the music picks up its pace, crossing that mountain that I’m racing across with the tempo. Throwing my head back, I allow myself to smile as I move my body as if a lover’s hands were caressing me. Linda no longer sniggers and no one else interrupts my dance. I’m not sure if he is still behind me, but I continue to move until the song ends and I’m left standing in the silent room, feeling a bit breathless. The silence has me searching behind my eyelids for a change in the darkness that I have become accustomed to.

“Were you a dancer before?” His voice is no longer behind me.

His question catches me off guard. “What?” I shuffle, moving to try and follow the flow of his deep, hard voice.

“Answer him.” Linda’s voice pierces the silence. She always sounds like she is one moment away from exploding. Like every button of hers has been pressed one too many times.

“No.” I hold my breath and stand rigid like a circus monkey waiting to hear what my next trick will be. No one speaks and the longer I stand here half-naked, the more fear seems to grow in me. I’ve waited for the last three weeks to be raped or tortured, but instead, I’m made to dance for this man. I don’t think anyone else is ever in the room, aside from Linda. I have no idea what she is to him. A lover? Possibly. I have no idea why I’m not allowed to see him. Is he scarred or deformed? My eyes continue to search the darkness. I am sure I’m the only other person here; I’ve never heard—or seen—anyone else.

The castle that I’ve been brought to is one I’ve visited several times. I just had no idea that anyone lived here. It’s open to the public all year ‘round. A select amount of rooms showcase what it would have looked like in its glory days. The part I’m in is far more modern. But you didn’t doubt that you were in a grand castle.

A small, warm hand touches my bare arm and I’m escorted from the room. I turn my head in the direction his voice always comes from, but I don’t dare open my eyes. I think he’s tall, his voice is deep, but I have no idea of the rest.

The click of the door behind me acts as a signal, telling me it’s finally safe to look up. The light hurts my eyes for a moment. Linda moves me forward. Her sharp features are striking, high cheekbones, and a perfectly straight nose. Thin lips that never smile. She’s every photographer's dream, that is if you get past the darkness in her brown eyes. She carries it like a shield. Red nails wrap around my forearm and squeeze slightly when I don’t walk quickly enough. She never speaks to me like a person, and after the first few days here, I gave up.

We reach my room and that is where Linda takes her leave. Blonde hair cut close to her head doesn’t take away from her hard beauty as she gives me one final look. The door closes in my face and I hate the silence immediately.

Turning, I catch myself in the full-length mirror. I look cheap. My eyes burn again and I push down the pain as I kick off the stilettos.  Shimmying out of the black skirt, I walk straight to the wardrobe and get out the only thing that isn’t degrading, a white silk nightgown. Putting it on, it falls just above my knees, covering my half-naked body.

Several thoughts race through my mind like they do every day. Why did my father sell me? I know he has a large debt to this man, but who sold their only child, their only daughter to someone? What does this man want with me? So far I’ve been clothed, fed, and given a room.  But I know this won’t last forever. Double doors are wide open as I walk into my bathroom. It’s half the size of my room here, which is also a ridiculous size. I spend most of my days trapped in here pretending that I live here and I can leave my room whenever I want. I just don’t want to. Tying my hair up, silky black strands manage to escape the tie and dangle around my face. I push them back as I face the mirror. Frightened green eyes stare back at me, sparkling with uncertainty. I look away unable to face what I see reflected back at me. The white hand basin holds me up as I grip either side of it. Memories of my life slip through my hands like sand as my chest tightens. It feels as if someone has sucked all the air from the room and I lose my grip. The walls close in as I hit the tiled floor hard. The ceiling hovers over me a million light-years away. Gold coving dips and melts as my brain short circuits.

Blue eyes, like the blue of the clearest sky, stare down at me. The softness of the bed under me molds around my back. I can’t look away. His eyes are kind and not what I expected. He isn’t scarred, his tanned skin is smooth, he looks normal. My gaze flickers around the room as I look for Linda, but she isn’t here. Fear skitters across my skin, dampening it in its wake. We’ve never been alone before. I’ve wondered for three weeks what this man looks like. Now that I’m face to face with him, all I wanted to do is close my eyes and un-see him. I fear the consequences.

“Do you know what happened?”

His voice is wrong. It’s too high pitched, too gentle. I was so used to that raspy, deep, hard voice. This isn’t him. I try to sit up, but my head swims.

“You need to rest.” Gentle hands push me back down. “You’ve hit your head pretty hard.” His words send a sharp pain to my head. I remember looking in the mirror and then I couldn’t breathe.

“I couldn’t breathe,” I whisper.

“You will be okay.”

My focus is back on his blue eyes. The silver scope around his neck comes into view. I hadn’t noticed it before.

“You’re a doctor?” I say trying to sit up again. Instead of making me stay still, he helps me sit up, fixing several pillows behind me.

“Yes, I am. I can assure you, you will be fine.” His soft smile has my stomach twisting. I stare at him until his smile slowly disappears. My heart beats rapidly as my mind screams to beg him to get me out of here. I swallow. If I left, my father would be killed. That’s the deal. He deserves to die. He really does, but I’m not about to sign my own father's death sentence. I break eye contact with the doctor and will my heart to slow down.

The door to my bedroom opens and Linda walks in. She captivates the doctor. Her hips sway perfectly in her black and white pencil skirt. The white shirt is see-through, her black bra on full display.

“Doctor Rodgers, how is our patient?” Linda’s lips do something I have never seen them do before; they lift into a half smile. She looks slightly innocent—or is youthful more accurate? She no longer has that tortured look she normally wears.

“She’s doing fine. A bit more rest and she will be right as rain.” His blue eyes flicker to me, it’s brief like I’m the last thing he wants to talk about. His focus is now back on Linda.

“You’re a lifesaver.” Linda stops at my bedside and looks down at me like I mean something to her. “She gave us all quite the scare.”

Was there a threat in her words? I wasn’t sure. I sink further into the pillows. “Sorry. I’m not sure what happened.”

She barks a short soft laugh. “One too many drinks.”

“With Gerald?” Linda’s smile falters at Doctor Rodgers’ question.

“No.” She answers quickly. “We better not keep you.” She holds out his bag to him with a forced smile. My brain is spinning on the name Gerald. Is that his name?

The doctor’s brows pull down at his quick dismissal. He takes the bag with uncertainty. “Are you sure you don’t need me to stay and keep an eye on her?”

“We have already taken up enough of your time.” Linda widens her arm, a gesture for him to come along.

He does so with disappointment in his voice. “Okay. Well, you know where I am.”

It hits me hard after the door closes—I’m alone again. I stare at the door, the minute’s tick by and melt into one another. I want to use my voice, I want to break the silence but words are useless, they will shatter the silence only briefly before it pieces itself back together, it becomes more solid and stronger. I learn to accept what I can’t change. Closing my eyes, I let the darkness in and surprisingly, I find sleep.

When I open my eyes the room is dark. I don’t have windows in my room. My eyes skitter across the darkness. Someone turned off my lights, they were always left on. I push back the blanket and step out onto the cold wooden floor, the coldness absorbs some of the heat that pulses through me. I close my eyes and listen. I can hear his breath. I know he’s here. My eyes roam across the room and I’m sure the space across from my bed is darker, deeper.

I step towards the darkness. My knees wobble a little.

“Dance for me.” My heart skips a beat at the sound of his voice. I’m prodding the darkness trying to make out his features, but the darkness molds around him like he’s part of it. He’s here in my room. This is something that has never happened before. I know I should be terrified, but a large part of me wants to see him, or ask him if his name really is Gerald. But I don’t have the courage.

“I don’t have music.” My voice wobbles and I take another step towards him and then pause. My pulse spikes as I wait for his response, but it doesn’t come. The shadows don’t move so I know he is still here, waiting for me to dance. If I don't, will he step closer? Will he demand me to dance, or will he just leave?

Closing my eyes, my heart beats wildly in my ears and I take a calming breath before I start to move. Swaying my hips, I don’t move closer to him but dance to my own music in front of him. I keep my eyes closed as I move slowly. I don’t allow myself to acknowledge the fact that I like dancing for him. Or that he makes me feel something I have never felt before. I stop dancing and open my eyes. Disgust at my own thoughts has me wrapping my arms tightly around my waist. My eyes seek him in the darkness, but he’s not there. Closing my eyes I seek out his breathing, but I can’t hear it. He’s gone.

Moving quickly I flick on the lights. Facing the wall my heart pounds as I slowly turn around. The thought of seeing his face has my pulse throbbing in my neck.

My room is empty. He’s gone.